The Porcelain Express

We are scurrying around here, getting packed for our trip to NYC. It's supposed to rain (20-30% chance) while we're there, so it's a little tough to gauge what kind of clothing to take for weather-preparedness. It's been kind've goofy weather-wise around here recently too... it's been cold, then cool, then really humid. The office must be reacting to the humidity because we all of a sudden couldn't get the bathroom door to latch all the way. You'd think it was locked, but a gentle push reveals all. One poor male patient walked in on another poor female patient, and we all had an Awkward Moment. He felt bad for her, and she felt bad for herself, so we all felt bad for him and really bad for her. So I fashioned a crude sign out of bright red paper and correction tape to hang on the door. It's pretty flashy and totally unprofessional, but we haven't had any repeats of that same Situation.

Speaking of toilets and such, Mom and Dad finally got a new one to replace the one of our childhood. Alvin helped install it when he and Doretta were here last week. This toilet is something else. It looks like a normal toilet by all appearances but when you flush it, yikes! It gives new meaning to the "here today, gone tomorrow" attitude of the Old One. When you push the lever down to flush it, it gives your hand the sensation that you broke something, for with great gusto, anything that was once there, is gone in the blink of an eye. It is taking a lot to get used to. Mom said that almost everyone who uses it for the first time comes out of the bathroom grinning like a loon because it startled them. It scared even Martin. When Madison uses it, she flushes and then runs for cover. By the time I used it for the first time, I was well-aware of its reputation, but I somehow found myself thinking of Other Things at the time of the Great Departure, and wasn't as prepared as I should've been. And sure enough, it scared me enough to make me feel quite foolish. I couldn't help but laugh silently at myself in the mirror while washing my hands. When I opened the door, however, there was Mom... waiting for her Chuckle of the Day. I was like, "What?" But she would not be fooled. She knows these things. We now have a real Porcelain Express at our house.

So anyway, I shall carry my packed things out to the door so as to be a little more ready for our early 5:00 a.m. departure. I have a Plan for Waking Up... a series of alarm clocks, complemented by going to bed sometime before midnight. I am so looking forward to the many adventures we're bound to have in the next couple days...

Critters

Spring is here. I can tell. I've got my annual sore throat and allergy flare-up. I could also tell because Toad visited Kris's Window-Well Hotel this afternoon. I heard a thump, thump, thump on my window. I pulled my blinds up, and there he was... leaned up against my window, hands outstretched in supplication. I thought he was being nosey. He wasn't. He was pleading for help.

I ignored him, but left my blinds open so I could keep an eye on him. I was taking care of my wash and unpacking from my trip to Kansas. Several whiles later, I glanced at the window and was horrified to see a skinny, beady-eyed head sticking straight up. Immediately, I recalled Stacey telling me that she had seen a snake stretched out on the top of my window, basking in the sun. And there he was, for he had descended to My Level.

I was NOT happy. There is nothing I detest more than snakes. As if in a trance, I locked eyes on him and with hypnotized fascination watched him slither around, sticking his tongue out and doing snakey things. I had a really good view... much better than I cared for, in fact. I noticed that Toad had moved to The Other Side. You can only watch so long. I planned to demand an act of love and devotion from one of my brothers, but I wanted to finish my wash before doing so.

A little while later, I glanced out the window and was HORRIFIED to find Snake's mouth full of Toad Butt. The snake was literally inhaling the rear end of the toad. And the toad was reaching out as far as he could to get away. It seemed as if his butt was dissolving. Oh, the thought chills me to the bone. My adrenaline took over, and I sounded the alarm as surely as if I were on the Titanic. Alvin, Doretta, Jolene, and Sharon--who were over at Mom's--all quickly joined me outside as we beheld this spectacle. There were varied opinions as to what should be done, but death won out. We decided the snake should die, and the toad should live. Alvin smashed the Shovel of Justice down upon the back of the snake. There was instantly a great parting of Snake and Toad, as Snake did his best to protest his fate. "Kill him again!" we cried in unison. And what a show he put on...twisting and striking and slithering... But not for long. Alvin took him out to the field where he belonged in the first place. We also lifted Toad out, although much more carefully. I fear he shall not live long, but at least he will live longer than the ill-fated Mr. Snake.

I cannot handle such goings-on. May all Critters please note: Kris's Window-Well Hotel is closed for the summer. All trespassers shall be dealt with on a case by case basis... being assured that kindness and forbearance are not underlying themes.

The final Final

Thursday I had my last two finals of the spring semester. As anticipated, the all-essay test was a beast. I had stayed up till 1:00 organizing my notes and preparing for the essay that was hinted at and never showed up.

But it was the final Final that did me in. In the course of the events of the week, I just ran out of time to study for the last one, the art final. In addition to all our other study resources we had to cover, we had about 7 pieces of art (sculpture, churches, paintings) that we had to be able to identify by title, artist, and era. I clocked out of work about two hours early and went to the library to study. It was so hot, I had to take my shoes off in order to even function.

I began the final, feeling very un-studied. Everything I had just crammed fled my mind. And horror of horrors, we had to know every single one of those slides instead of just a few out of the many like we had had on prior tests. It was a terrible feeling. And one of the terms that had so boldly been listed on the review sheet to make sure we knew... elusively slipped away, never to be regained (I had only read over that term about twenty different times during the course of my study). Oh, the agony. The Prof was somewhat kind to us and built in some that you couldn't get wrong like: "T or F--The Simpsons are a much better cartoon than South Park." I didn't even know what South Park was, but I suspected he liked the Simpsons, so I answered in kind.

There were several of us at the end that were just moaning and groaning about this exam. He tried to reassure us and all that, but there just wasn't much comfort to be had. This exam, for the one guy, was the determination of whether or not he could even come back to school. "You have to have at least a 2.0," he said. (yah??) Another girl was worried about even passing the course with a decent grade (she had totally bombed the first exam of the semester), and I was worrying that I had blown my 4.0 with this very humbling performance.

I finally resigned myself to handing it in. He graciously looked it over and told me he wouldn't worry about it. Easy to say when you're the prof, I've noticed.

I've been worried ever since; and I will not be satisfied until I know..one way or the other. All my grades have been posted on Topnet except for Art, of course. I have literally been checking all day long... about every thirty minutes or so. And even now...at 11:00 at night, I can't resist checking it. Why I think the prof would be up this late posting grades, I can't imagine. Nevertheless, I think I'll take a quick peek...

Two Down

Two down, two to go. As of noon today, I am finished with two of my classes. I had a two hour Math final at 8:00 and a two hour German final at 10:30, and both, in their simplest forms, could be described as grueling. This has been a very stressful last several days. Yesterday, my German partner Hannah and I were scheduled to do our oral interview with our teacher. We had worked on our script for many hours (at least three)--just to get it written. Then we had to memorize it so that we could bluff our way through the conversation. It's a lot harder than it sounds. Especially if you have a memory deficiency like I do. Anyway, after much practice and nail-biting, it finally came together for us. After Hannah made it through it the first time without too many hours, she danced a little jig--"I got it, I got it, I got it!" she chanted. We did well--even though we both blanked out at the same time. We recovered and then finished the thing up.

I went directly from the German interview to the Library to study for my Math and my German finals. I spent a good two hours on my German, but when I switched to Math, I found I didn't have the heart to continue it. So I decided that I would head for home, leaving Sharon there to study on her own. I fully intended to continue my studying when I got home, and I took the necessary steps to prepare for just such an endeavor. I took my shower, got my blanket and my books, and curled up in my chair to have a good study session. There is so much to cover in Math. Anyway, I remember feeling a little sleepy and stretching out..just a little. The next thing I remember, I woke up at 11:00 to someone laughing. I was not very "with it," however, and this was giving Sharon reason for much mirth. I had fallen asleep with my books sprawled all around me; my lamp was still on. I couldn't make any sense out of anything and for sure couldn't figure out what Sharon was doing standing there laughing at me. I just remember blinking... and blinking... Well, there was no help for it. I had to go to bed without finishing my Math studying.

I woke up this morning at 5:30. I got ready and headed off for school. I sat in the parking lot for almost an hour trying to finish studying for this Math exam. But the more I got into studying it, the more I began to panic. There is SO much to remember. I was in our classroom by 7:30, and I had to ask Crystal for some formulas that I had left in my book at home. The panic really began to mount... so much so that when Ms. P announced at 7:45 that we could begin early, and, in fact, if we weren't going to begin early, we should leave the room... I actually got up and walked out. I came back and started the test about 7:55. I finished the test at 10:05. Two hours and ten minutes, that test took me. And that was without being able to go back and check anything.

One of my Math classmates works at Wal-Mart, so when I picked up some supplies for the office this afternoon, I stopped by to see her. She said she knows she did terribly on that exam. In fact, she thinks she'll be lucky if she manages to get a 40 out of it. [That's 40 out of 155.] Ouch! And she's too embarrassed to go by Ms. P's office to even see how she did. She's afraid Ms. P will box her ears or something. I don't think it's that bad, but she declares it is. William said there were some he didn't even attempt--he ran out of time.

Oh well. The German final--although tedious--went a little better. I managed to finish that one in the allotted time...

Oh, but I'm glad to be finished with Algebra! But the worst is yet to come. My two exams on Thursday have so much writing to it. The one I will have to write five essays for, and the other (art), I will also have a writing component...a response to some slides, I think. I decided that I will go to work an hour early tomorrow (since I don't have to go to school), and start preparing. I know better than to think I can get anything done on it tonight... all I can do is yawn!