Critters

Spring is here. I can tell. I've got my annual sore throat and allergy flare-up. I could also tell because Toad visited Kris's Window-Well Hotel this afternoon. I heard a thump, thump, thump on my window. I pulled my blinds up, and there he was... leaned up against my window, hands outstretched in supplication. I thought he was being nosey. He wasn't. He was pleading for help.

I ignored him, but left my blinds open so I could keep an eye on him. I was taking care of my wash and unpacking from my trip to Kansas. Several whiles later, I glanced at the window and was horrified to see a skinny, beady-eyed head sticking straight up. Immediately, I recalled Stacey telling me that she had seen a snake stretched out on the top of my window, basking in the sun. And there he was, for he had descended to My Level.

I was NOT happy. There is nothing I detest more than snakes. As if in a trance, I locked eyes on him and with hypnotized fascination watched him slither around, sticking his tongue out and doing snakey things. I had a really good view... much better than I cared for, in fact. I noticed that Toad had moved to The Other Side. You can only watch so long. I planned to demand an act of love and devotion from one of my brothers, but I wanted to finish my wash before doing so.

A little while later, I glanced out the window and was HORRIFIED to find Snake's mouth full of Toad Butt. The snake was literally inhaling the rear end of the toad. And the toad was reaching out as far as he could to get away. It seemed as if his butt was dissolving. Oh, the thought chills me to the bone. My adrenaline took over, and I sounded the alarm as surely as if I were on the Titanic. Alvin, Doretta, Jolene, and Sharon--who were over at Mom's--all quickly joined me outside as we beheld this spectacle. There were varied opinions as to what should be done, but death won out. We decided the snake should die, and the toad should live. Alvin smashed the Shovel of Justice down upon the back of the snake. There was instantly a great parting of Snake and Toad, as Snake did his best to protest his fate. "Kill him again!" we cried in unison. And what a show he put on...twisting and striking and slithering... But not for long. Alvin took him out to the field where he belonged in the first place. We also lifted Toad out, although much more carefully. I fear he shall not live long, but at least he will live longer than the ill-fated Mr. Snake.

I cannot handle such goings-on. May all Critters please note: Kris's Window-Well Hotel is closed for the summer. All trespassers shall be dealt with on a case by case basis... being assured that kindness and forbearance are not underlying themes.