Caller Seven

It was that time again–time to get my teeth cleaned, and I found myself on the interstate driving toward my dentist’s office in Franklin. I was unfortunate enough to have an appointment at an inconvenient time in the early afternoon; so I had to leave work early in order to make it. It had been a very hectic day and it was borderline as to whether or not I would be able to even make the appointment. Keep in mind that I work in Bowling Green, twenty miles away from my hometown of Franklin.

So as I was fighting the traffic that routinely plagues my route, I found myself listening to our local Christian radio station. I was in a sort of daze that often accompanies my interstate driving when I caught on that the DJ was announcing another wonderful little prize available "on your workday twenties" (2:20 p.m.). Instead of some boring CD like they often offer, they were offering a gift certificate to a scrapbooking store...just down my alley! Caller Seven was to be the lucky winner. I madly fumbled around trying to locate my cell phone; I finally found it in my lap.

Dialing the phone number from memory (I’ve heard it quite often), I was pleased to hear a ring on the other end instead of a busy signal as is often the case. Because of my noisy car and because my cell phone really is too tiny and because the reception wasn’t the best at that particular spot on the interstate, I didn’t hear the greeting on the other end too well, and when he didn’t say anything else past the greeting, I said brightly--and extra loudly so as to be heard–"Well... What caller am I??" There was a pregnant pause. Then, "This isn’t a radio station–this is Fruit of the Loom."

Dear Lord, please save me from myself (again).

And now tonight I’ve sewn my skirt on upside down. I cannot even bear to think about taking a seam ripper to it–there are pockets in it already and everything. It matters not that I’ve preached to Jolene a thousand times that every time it is necessary to pick up a seam ripper, one should take a moment to look at it and then think of it as a reminder that God loves you.

I can’t do it. I’m too depressed.

Regarding Roller Coasters

It didn't turn out the way it was supposed to. There it was--on my List of Things to Do Before I Die: Ride a Real Roller Coaster. One of the dreams of my childhood was always to go to a theme park and just revel in all the rides. And I dreamed of how a roller coaster should be. And that was The Plan.

Dee's mother works for Huish Detergents, a local factory who gives their employees free tickets every year to go to a theme park. They also provide discounted tickets to the employee's family and friends. So that is how we came to be joining Dee and her family at Holiday World and Splashin' Safari in Santa Claus, Indiana, this last Saturday morning. Jolene brought her friend Lisa with her, and we joined about 20,000 other thrill-seekers on this, the busiest day of the season. There were people EVERYWHERE.

Our first real thrill came with what is called the Liberty Launch. It is a four-sided structure with seats on all sides, facing outward. Because of the 20,000 other people in the park, we stood in that line for thirty minutes. Dee was determined we should try it, but it was certainly a stretch out of my comfort zone. It didn't even look like fun. It would send you shooting straight up as if you were a rocket, then drop you straight down, then back up again even higher, and back down. The people who went before us had reactions of varying degrees of sheer terror, which was much more amusing than the ride appeared to be.

I was determined I should not scream. After all, in my thirty minutes of standing in line, I knew that for as many people as went up, they always came back down no matter how stark their terror was or how loudly they screamed. But when it was my turn in the hot seat, reality slapped me in the face. I steeled myself, just waiting for the Launch. Oh, it was dicey alright. They let you dangle there for a few precious seconds on purpose...to build the suspense. And thus, my nerves were shot before the ride ever began. ThenZING... up we went, just a'flyin'! I knew if I didn't time my swallowing mechanism just right, something was going to come flying out.. either my breakfast or a shrill scream. I really preferred to keep my dignity intact, so I swallowed even as my eyes bugged out! My view was such that I locked eyes with the guy sitting in the control room. As we went up, his head went up, as we went down, his head went down. Very interesting and a good distraction. It gave me something to focus on. That is one ride, however, I feel there is no need to repeat.

There were other interesting rides which we enjoyed very much. It was The Legend, however, that proved to be our undoing. The Legend is named for The Legend of Sleepy Hollow and is found in the Halloween section of the park (This is Holiday World, remember? They also have Christmas, Fourth of July, etc.). We stood in line for a good little bit. We couldn't see the entire track, but we could see the tall incline that was the first landmark of the ride. We were almost to the front of the line and had actually entered a little building in order to get into the car. We were brave and at that point, ready for any thrill it might pitch our way. About two rides away from us getting into our roller coaster car, they announced there was a problem with the track. Oh help. So we got to peer out of the window and watch as the maintenance man painstakingly made his way up to the top of the first hill.

We waited and waited. Finally, Mr. Maintenance made his way back down to where we were all waiting. They consulted with each other and looked at the computer screen and finally decided he should have another go at it. For the second time, Mr. M made his way up to the top of the first hill where I imagined that whatever hole was up there surely must be getting bigger by the second. If Sharon and I had had a way to escape at this point, I would've chucked roller coasters off my List, and out we would have gone. Jolene and Lisa were standing resolved and ready to go at a minute's notice and were determined we were NOT going to abandon the project, no matter how long we would have to wait. Mr. M made it back for the second time, and then they decided they would send the cars around the track with nobody in it to see if everything was in working order (and to make sure it didn’t jump the track). In fact, they did it twice. It was really rather unnerving.

Two rides went through before us, and the people in them appeared to be unharmed when they arrived back at the station, so we steeled ourselves and climbed in when it finally was our turn. We crept into the car and fastened everything we could possibly find to fasten; my resolve was wobbly, at best.There were two bars to hold on to, and I made sure I used both of them. And then the Ride began.. slowly, at first, as we crept up the steep incline of the first hill. As we reached the apex, however, and looked down the other side, Sharon [as she later reported] had a little Come-to-Jesus Meeting. And she promised herself that if she would just make it off this ride, she would never try it again. I, on the other hand, tried to close my eyes, for it was terrifying to look down at where we were to be going. Who in their right mind would make something this steep and call it fun? But unfortunately, my left eye wouldn't stay closed, and thus began about three minutes of stark terror.

We plunged this way, and we plunged that way. We went up, and we went down. We went into dark tunnels and came splashing out again into the sun. I was so terrified, in fact, that I couldn't help but giggle every now and then [to keep from crying, I think]. The fellow in front of me put his arms straight up--and the very thought of it made me lose even more of the color I already didn't have. And then... we could feel that we were airborne.. as in leaving the tracks!! I knew that whatever hole was to be found, we must have found it. How frightening that was. And then I found out later, that that airborne feeling was INTENTIONAL! It was a very long three minutes.

Once we finally stopped, I think Sharon and I must've been white as a sheet. Jolene and Lisa, on the other hand, absolutely loved it and wanted to go again. So on we went to The Raven, the other roller coaster. There was a sign posted that said that this ride was not for those people who had certain ailments, including heart problems. It was at this point that Sharon revealed that she had recently developed heart problems and declared herself unfit for such a ride. And amidst Jolene and Lisa’s jeers of what babies we were, we willingly retired our roller coaster career.

FB College Retreat 05

I think I shall give a brief report of my weekend at Faithbuilders' College Retreat, July 1-3, 2005. It was held at the Sibley Castle in Franklin, PA... VERY charming atmosphere. True to form--and I'm sure this will be of no surprise to you--I had been dreading that retreat as if it were a jail sentence. New things are so nerve-wracking! We all felt like such impostors... sneaking in there and acting like intellectuals. [Cousin] Jolynn assured us we would “love it,” So Sara, Sharon, and I just gritted our teeth and made the journey early Friday morning. Because none of our cars were fit to handle a trip of that magnitude (nine hours), we rented a little Pontiac Vibe.

I am happy to report that the weekend was just wonderful, and I'm so glad I went. It was much more relaxing than I had even hoped for. No curfews, no rules, no hose--we were even treated as if we were adults. It also helped that there were some other people there that I knew, including cousins Andrew, Jolynn, and Maria; and friends Caleb and Lyle.

There were about 35-40 students there, and they divided us all up into what they call "Small Groups." It was a little intimidating at first, but I ended up enjoying my group very much. As for what we did in Small Group... we just talked and identified with each others' college experiences. It is so nice to know that there actually are other Mennonites floating around campuses out there.

It was also amazing to see the variety in majors. Here are some I remember. In addition to nursing, by far the most popular, there was also: dairy science, veterinarian, finance, accounting, English, healthcare administration, business, music, pre-med, social work, history, geography, occupational therapy, industrial engineering, and elementary ed. There was also great diversity in the Anabaptist "brands" that were there... from Beachy to River Brethren to Horning Mennonite to Conservative Mennonite. And yet, we could all identify with each other, and that was pretty neat.

We were given the assignment of each Small Group coming up with a skit that demonstrated some of the tensions we face either with college and community or with being a Mennonite on campus. It was fun to laugh and make fun of ourselves. I'm already looking forward to next year.