A Dog in Mourning

Our receptionist is out on vacation this week, so that means I’m out at the front desk a lot. As a result, I have more interaction with the patients than I usually do. "Polly" and "Annie," two of our patients who happen to be sisters, came in today for their regular checkups. Polly lost her husband "Paul" three months ago to cancer. He had also been a patient of ours. During the course of our brief encounter while waiting for the doc to come in, I asked Polly how life is for her by now. She proceeded to tell me about the little Chihuahua she has and how the little dog is still mourning for the deceased Paul. She told me about how when Paul was at the funeral home, she had the dog there. And get this–the dog would not stay out of the casket. He would jump up on a chair, crawl into the casket, and nestle down on Paul’s chest.

Now you have to understand–Paul was as cross as they come. He was a patient of Dr. G’s for at least fifteen years, and after he died, Dr. G was telling me how he had never seen a contrary and disliked person such as Paul was. Paul was just plain mean. His daughter couldn’t even stand him, and in fact, he and Polly got divorced at some point in the past. They fought like cats and dogs all the time. I think it was when he became so very ill that Polly came back and helped take care of him until he died.

Come to think of it, it was Paul who marched into my office when I first started as billing manager and informed me that he was not going to pay another cent of his bill. He did, but it was not an easy feat to pull money out of him.

Anyway, back to the conversation in the lobby. Polly told me how she went against his children’s wishes and bought a mausoleum for the both of them in a town 2 hours away. They had discussed it before he died, after all. When she dies, she is to be placed in the mausoleum beside him–head to head. They chose a mausoleum, she said, because they didn’t like the idea of bugs crawling around on them. Okay. Whatever.

But here’s the kicker. If she dies before Rocco (the dog), the dog is to be put to sleep and then cremated, after which the ashes shall be placed into her coffin, and the three will be a family again. And if Rocco dies before she does, she will cremate him and save his ashes for the Big Event. I, of course, was having an economic fit the whole time she was telling me this. Her sister jumped right in with me and told her that no one in their family has agreed to put that dog to sleep if she dies before he does; they love him too, after all. Polly is a bit cantankerous herself, and so she just ignored Annie’s interruptions and kept talking. So Annie just sat there silently, laughing a little here and there and indicating through the usual motions that Polly is crazy.

The conversation switched then to Annie's big plans for herself when she dies. She thinks the mausoleum idea is absurd and instead plans to be cremated and have her ashes placed in some container in a closet somewhere. "You aren’t at least going to have your ashes scattered over the ocean?" I asked her. "Oh no," she said emphatically. "I can’t swim!"

Then we all had a good laugh.

P.S. For the record, I love my dog, but please don't put her in my coffin with me, dead or alive; I'm a little worried about the space issue.

I really need to finish my will.